Football Jones

Tim Tebow could now be feeling more pressure than a collapsing pocket in an important SEC game.  Tebow is the accused in a class-action lawsuit from 37 parents of teenage boys for plagiarism as a result of his now famous speech following the University of Florida’s loss to Ole Miss last season.

The suit originated when the father of a twelve-year-old boy in Tennessee saw the speech by Tebow and realized that his son had said the exact same thing when his pee-wee coach threatened to bench him after dropping a pass.  Over the course of the past three months, the case has been gaining steam as parents of 36 other boys in 14 different states came forward with claims that Tebow not only said what their children had said to their coaches verbatim, but in the exact same whiny tone and teary-eyed delivery as their pre-pubescent kids.

Tebow had no comment when confronted about the issue by ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit in an interview for their “College Football Live” program.  He instead discussed how the UF boosters have treated him to expensive steak dinners and rewarded him with electronic gadgets in his past three years in Gainesville.

The hearings of the lawsuit are expected to begin at a US District Court in July.

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Former Jets and Packers QB Brett Favre is reported to be completely retired today as word from Mississippi is that he will have surgery that will prevent him from returning to the NFL gridiron in any competitive fashion.

Favre, 39, is consulting with orthopedic surgeon Dr. James Andrews and his wife, Deanna, about amputating his throwing arm.  This amputation would surely prevent him from playing football again.  Currently, he is working with his lawyer to work out an agreement with Deanna that is being referred to as a 5 year, 2,000 “manual stimulation” deal to compensate for his own arm that will be no longer there.

“I gave her my hand in marriage and am giving my other hand away, so I figured we could share her second hand,” said Favre.

Brad Childress is talking to Favre’s agent Bus Cook about potentially acquiring Brett Favre’s amputated arm before training camp, so they can surgically attach it to Tarvaris Jackson in hopes that it will improve his arm strength and accuracy.

“We loved what we saw in Brett Favre; he is a living legend.  Just to have that piece of him could help take our ball club to the next level,” said Childress.

“Is it going to be weird having three arms?  Absolutely,” said Jackson.  “Look at it this way though, now people can’t say I’m another failure of a black quarterback because I have a white arm, and I also have an extra arm to break tackles with.”

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Other News:

* The Pro Football Hall of Fame is putting in a request for Torry Holt’s nasty bent finger upon his retirement from the NFL.

* Mike Vick is expected to be signed by the Cleveland Browns upon reinstatement to the NFL as their wildcat back, and will be in television ads, to promote ticket sales for the Dawg Pound.

“I don’t hate dogs, I’m eating dog food as we speak.”
-Mike Vick on dog fighting

* The South Bend Animal Clinic, just off the campus of Notre Dame has reported that Jimmy Clausen is now a father of two beautiful baby emus.  The Clausen Pickle Company is planning to offer Clausen an advertising contract to be the spokes bird of their franchise to rival the Vlasic stork.

-LV

In the world of fantasy football there are a plethora of strategies one can look to in going about their draft such as the “Stud RB” theory, “Best Player Available”, “Do the Opposite,” and the fail safe “go with your gut”.  All these methods have a track record for success but also seem to have a way of limiting your options.  However, that is the nature of the draft compared to an auction format. You can’t just go out and get your player because you are regulated to who falls to you.  This does not have to be a negative, instead you can use it to your advantage.  Let me introduce to you an auction like method of selection that will also thrive in a draft format.  I like to call it Stock-Based Drafting (SBD).

The thesis of stock-based drafting is simple, maximize value.  This can be difficult because unlike the NFL draft, there aren’t many, if any, trades during a fantasy football draft.  The key here is to have an idea of who will be available in each round, giving you an idea of how to build your team before the draft even starts.  I know what you’re thinking and no you don’t have to be psychic or a crossing over con man like John Edwards to use this method.  If you read on, everything will be explained in detail.

I must advise that this method is for the experienced fantasy football player only.  In order for the SBD method to work, you must do your homework and be able to distinguish the sleepers from the busts.  This system was devised because I had some sleepers correctly pegged but missed the boat in many of the drafts I was in because I waited too long because I had a poor basis of the draft’s value.  I knew if I could only get the players I targeted without reaching I would be very successful.  I had much more success in my auctions last year because I was able to build my team with the players that I liked and made sure I got my biggest sleepers.  So I began to tweak my auction strategy to fit the draft format and the result was SBD.

The key to SBD is the creation of not one, but TWO cheat sheets: Theirs and Yours.  For simplifying purposes lets call them The Kiper and The Gut.  The Kiper list represents the common value of the players and named after the most famous of all the talking heads.  Your personal opinion must have NO influence whatsoever on this list. If you can’t stick to that idea, then it will defeat the whole purpose of using this method.  The Kiper list is where you rank each player according to his current stock.  The Gut list on the other hand is where you rank each player according to YOUR predictions, regardless of draft stock.  The gut list is based ENTIRELY on your influence and for the most success you have to disregard each player’s perceived value.

This aspect of SBD is what separates the guppies from the sharks and why I only advise the experienced fantasy football player to use it.  This isn’t for the n00bs yo or the people who conduct their drafts in July.  Unlike the other systems this method does not make the picks for you, instead you are using it to maximize YOUR picks for the most value on YOUR list.  The biggest mistake FF players make (from the beginners all the way to the “experts”) is that they have an inaccurate measure of value.

When both lists are completed, the next step is to compare them.  Make notes of big gaps between the two which will help you to identify which players to target and which players to avoid.  I will discuss tricky processes in detail in a later article with neato examples.

Of course like real stocks, events can occur that cause your list to change.  This includes injuries, training camp battles, preseason performances and most of all hype, which should ONLY effect the Kiper list if you’re doing this right (I keep repeating this because it’s essential!).

So this year when draft day rolls around you’ll be ready to roll your league.

-Terror

Congratulations to the 2009-09 Football Jones College Bowl Pick ‘Em Winner, Mando Pioquinto, also known under the alias Moz. Moz picked 20 of the 34 bowls correctly, including the BCS National Champion, Florida. Moz currently lives in El Paso, Texas and is a fan of the Texas Longhorns, who won the 2009 Fiesta Bowl 24-21 over Ohio State. Joshua Woodson (HustlinOwl) of California was second with 18/34 and in third was Derek Olsen (Rudi) of Ohio with 13/34 correct.

Yes, we admit it, we have been on a hiatus. We mysteriously disappeared for, oh five months while our site sat here in the dark abyss of the internet. We apologize for that. Since we are run by two poor college kids trying to get grades, we had to take some time off from focusing on the site, but we promise it will be back and better than just one article per month. Hope you enjoy what we have in store for you here at Football Jones.

Football Jones is running a competition for college football fans everywhere. Over the course of the next three weeks, 68 of the top teams in Division 1-A (FBS) football will be facing off in 34 different bowls, with it all culminating on January 8, 2009 with the BCS National Championship between Florida and Oklahoma. However, there are millions of fans across the country excited to watch their respective teams play in games that don’t have such high implications, but they still mean something to the players, the school and the fans alike.

In honor of all 68 bowl teams, we are running a pick ‘em competition for the bowl season. The rules are simple. You make a list of the teams you predict to win all of the bowls and send it to us. The person with the most bowls picked correctly wins. There is a tiebreaker question to answer as well, so in the event of a tie we can declare a winner.

Throughout the course of the competition, we will update the standings after each day of bowls, so everyone will know where they stand in the overall competition. This will be accessible at the “Bowl Game Pick ‘Em” tab in the top right corner of the page. As an added incentive, we are including a prize to the winner as well. The winner of the competition will receive their choice of 20 dollars via PayPal or a 20 dollar gift card to any store or restaurant of their choice (within accessibility of FJ).* However, if the winner gets every bowl picked correctly, instead of 20, it will be 50!*

*must be a minimum of 12 entries

If you are interested and want to enter, fill out the following form and email it to footballjones1@gmail.com and you will be entered. Submissions are due by December 20th at 10AM EST. No exceptions. Good luck!

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Name:
Username (on pastapadre.com or make one up):
Age:
Favorite College Football Team(s):
Alma Mater (if applicable):

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2008-09 Bowl Schedule:

EagleBank: Wake Forest vs. Navy

New Mexico: Colorado State vs. Fresno State

magicJack St. Petersburg: Memphis vs. South Florida

Pioneer Las Vegas: BYU vs. Arizona

R+L Carriers New Orleans: Southern Miss vs. Troy

San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia: Boise State vs. TCU

Sheraton Hawaii: Hawaii vs. Notre Dame

Motor City: Florida Atlantic vs. Central Michigan

Meineke Car Care: West Virginia vs. North Carolina

Champs Sports: Wisconsin vs. Florida State

Emerald: Miami (FL) vs. California

Independence: Northern Illinois vs. Louisiana Tech

Papajohns.com: NC State vs. Rutgers

Valero Alamo: Missouri vs. Northwestern

Roady’s Humanitarian: Maryland vs. Nevada

Texas: Western Michigan vs. Rice

Pacific Life Holiday: Oklahoma State vs. Oregon

Bell Helicopter Armed Forces: Houston vs. Air Force

Brut Sun: Oregon State vs. Pittsburgh

Gaylord Hotels Music City: Boston College vs. Vanderbilt

Insight: Kansas vs. Minnesota

Chick-fil-A: LSU vs. Georgia Tech

Outback: South Carolina vs. Iowa

Capital One: Georgia vs. Michigan State

Konica Minolta Gator: Nebraska vs. Clemson

Rose Bowl Game Presented by Citi: Penn State vs. USC

FedEx Orange: Cincinnati vs. Virginia Tech

AT&T Cotton: Ole Miss vs. Texas Tech

AutoZone Liberty: Kentucky vs. East Carolina

Allstate Sugar: Utah vs. Alabama

International: Buffalo vs. Connecticut

Tostitos Fiesta: Ohio State vs. Texas

GMAC: Ball State vs. Toledo

FedEx BCS National Championship Game: Florida vs. Oklahoma

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Remember, send all submissions to footballjones1@gmail.com. They are due by December 20 at 10AM EST.

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The NFL released the selections for the 2009 Pro Bowl in Honolulu on February 8th, 2009. The following are the starters and reserves. As a Browns fan, I am happy to see Joe Thomas and Shaun Rogers in, but Josh Cribbs is still the best AFC kick returner to me and Phil Dawson is having a career year. Let us know who you think got snubbed on your team by leaving a comment.

AFC (Starter/Reserves):

Quarterback: Peyton Manning/Brett Favre/Jay Cutler

Running Back: Thomas Jones/Chris Johnson/Ronnie Brown

Fullback: Le’Ron McClain

Wide Receiver: Andre Johnson/Brandon Marshall/Reggie Wayne/Wes Welker

Tight End: Tony Gonzalez/Antonio Gates

Tackle: Joe Thomas/Jason Peters/Michael Roos

Guard: Alan Faneca/Kris Dielman/Brian Waters

Center: Kevin Mawae/Nick Mangold

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Defensive End: Mario Williams/Dwight Freeney/Robert Mathis

Defensive Tackle: Albert Haynesworth/Kris Jenkins/Shaun Rogers

Outside Linebacker: James Harrison/Joey Porter/Terrell Suggs

Inside Linebacker: Ray Lewis/James Farrior

Cornerback: Nnamdi Asomugha/Cortland Finnegan/Darelle Revis

Free Safety: Ed Reed

Strong Safety: Troy Polamalu/Chris Hope

Kicker: Stephen Gostkowski

Punter: Shane Lechler

Returner: Leon Washington

Specialist: Brendon Ayanbedejo

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NFC (Starter/Reserves):

Quarterback: Kurt Warner/Drew Brees/Eli Manning

Running Back: Adrian Peterson/Michael Turner/Clinton Portis

Fullback: Mike Sellers

Wide Receiver: Larry Fitzgerald/Ankwon Boldin/Steve Smith/Roddy White

Tight End: Jason Witten/Chris Cooley

Tackle: Jordan Gross/Walter Jones/Chris Samuels

Guard: Steve Hutchinson/Chris Snee/Leonard Davis

Center: Andre Gurode/Shaun O’Hara

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Defensive End: Julius Peppers/Justin Tuck/Jared Allen

Defensive Tackle: Kevin Williams/Jay Ratliff/Pat Williams

Outside Linebacker: DeMarcus Ware/Lance Briggs/Derrick Brooks

Inside Linebacker: Patrick Willis/Jon Beason

Cornerback: Charles Woodson/Antoine Winfield/Asante Samuel

Free Safety: Nick Collins/Brian Dawkins

Strong Safety: Adrian Wilson

Kicker: John Carney

Punter: Jeff Feagles

Returner: Clifton Smith

Specialist: Sean Morey